Saoirse · Breyer

taking a break from SL for a while. need to get my RL back on track, i've been neglecting. dunno how long... maybe a couple days, a week, a few, maybe longer. i hope not too long. but it's taken over my RL and it's gotta stop. detox time.

speaking of SL/RL... i know you've probably all seen it a hundred times by now.. but once more can't hurt.

i can't even imagine how things could be better than they are. truly. i have the most incredible Master.. who makes me so much more than i ever could've imagined i could be.. who inspires me beyond my dreams.. who completes me in such a way that i didn't even realize i was incomplete. and i'm surrounded by friends, who, even despite some deceit by a few, are wonderful, and i am so lucky to have. i have built some bonds here, that are unlike anything i've ever had in RL.. one in particular that never ceases to leave me breathless and in awe. good god, i love Him... i need not even speak, and i know He understands.

All this magic in my second life, floods over into my first.. and things are just plain good. i've never felt so confidant, so secure with who i am... and that alone is manifesting good things in work and relationships alike.

i miss my in-world journal though. it's been over a month since i've written in it. so much has happened.. so much is happening still...

.... only everything seems to have so much more meaning that it used to. i can't begin to describe how i feel... it is a good thing though... there's no chance in hell it can be a bad thing. i feel connected. i feel whole. i feel so damn good... :p

i'll be His forever... if only in a virtual world.. i'll never hold back for in so many ways, this is even more real than real. and soooo good...

thank You, thank You, THANK YOU for existing... just knowing that You do has changed my whole life in such an encouraging way...

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

j.cash ~ hurt

i've been playing with my shape some... trying to fix the little things i don't like about it, mostly the face. so here's what I've done so far.

been playing a little different lately.. i'm owned now. i've sold most of my land off. atm, i'm homeless. currently jobless too. might be working at Arsheba soon. don't get to see Aron much, only now it's on me cuz i sought out servitude, and i'm the one not able to see him. probably going to have to talk with Sir about some more things... even though last time i tried to talk honestly with him i got myself in deep trouble and was isolated on an island. hm. we'll see what happens i guess.

Aron Aron Aron....

dunno what to say.. all that keeps going through my mind is what I've typed above. Aron Aron Aron... what to do? what to think?

so to make things complicated, I seem to fall for the unavailable..

and it really shouldn't matter cuz it's only in SL.

but when things are just getting hot and heavy and suddenly it's.. "gotta go... wife says"

Ok.. this can work. I'm sure it works well for married people on SL.. but I'm not married. and I can't help but feel like I'm a mistress or something. She has her SL guys.. he has his SL girl.. (me).. but when her SL guys aren't doing it for her or just aren't available.. she whines that he spends too much time with me. But when I'm not around while she's messing 'round with her SL guys.. he finds something else to do. I know.. this is a case of female instinct vs female instinct. She's getting her back up cuz her man's gaming with another chick when her guys aren't online, and I'm getting my back up cuz the little itty bitty piece of time I get of his, she's cutting it short cuz she's being a competitive female, and I don't stand a chance against a RL wife.. obviously. This sounds really pathetic I realize... if there's anyone else out there in a similar situation feeling frustrated.. I'd LOVE to hear from you.. just to know I haven't finally lost it..

Lately, I've really enjoyed having time to just PLAY in SL.. like I originally meant to do. Have the house for sale, the land for sale.. or for rent.. whatever... I quit my job at Climaxxx, as I think I mentioned in a previous post. I've been putting together a portfolio for modelling.. I figure it's contract work so I'll still have lots of time to myself. So here's what I've put together...

( see pics in my portfolio )

I built something too! Got bored the other night, so decided to make a friend some slippers... check em out! they're not scripted to do anything fancy.. they're just slippers.. but I don't think there's any other Bob the Builder slippers in SL right now.. my friend who I made them for is a builder with a thing for slippers.. hehe.. he liked them.. I'm proud. ;p

It's been like a vacation the last few days on SL.. I've put aside work and business and been spending time exploring and doing fun things.

Yesterday I bought myself a skateboard and spent some time at the skatepark. Watched Clerks at my place with my friend Rob, did some shopping. Last night I was at Aron's helping him set up his new place, in my tiny rotti avatar chasing a tiny cat that was as big as I was. After that I went surfing with Yulia and had a really great time :) I was telling Aron all about it today, and he took me shopping for a surf board. :P He's too good to me. He was on lunch break though when we went, so he had to leave before I chose one. I hope he won't mind that I took the money he gave me and went to another place and bought a more expensive board :P I can't wait to go ride some waves with Aron.. I had no idea he surfed, but apparently he does :)

Today I was maybe doing a little bit of work in business.. playing with some lighting and stuff.. but nothing major... I've been playing around with building things.. little simple things.. I've been spending a bit of time at New Citizen's Plaza too.. watching people build at the sandpit and socializing with all the newbies. I've had a few newbies walk into my house in Poliahu at different instances.... kinda of strange.. for the most part they're decent though... just here to explore.. however I have had a couple run in with griefer lately... I was talking to Johnii in a lighting shop the other day and we both got caged... tonight one approached me while I was shopping to tell me I was sexy... he told me he'd killed alot of people, and was equipped with all sorts of scary weapons. I tried to be nice to him so I wouldn't get hurt.. he told me he only killed men. someone else came in though and told him he had a griefing report and would have to leave the store. saved.

Tonight was a blast. Was hanging out with Rob.. we took my boat out for a bit, and after trespassing one too many times on private water.. decided we'd go scuba diving instead.. since we kept ending up in the water :P That was FUN.



When we got bored of diving, Rob found this really cool light show..




You'd have to of been there to really appreciate it.. what a trip :) Eventually we went back to my place to watch a movie.. never got through it all though... kicked him out and crashed without even getting changed..



and that's about where I'm at now. got RL stuff I MUST get done tomorrow, and I have an interview at Club Arsheba tomorrow as well. So many ideas in my head again.. I really needed this break from all the work bs that's been keeping me stressed. So I'm off to RL bed.. :p